Bye bye Amy Lee

Today has been a fun day. I got to talk last night to Anne on the phone, and that was great. I had been missing her so much. I can’t wait to see her again. Today I got up at 11:00 am and lazed around for a while. I wrestled with the dogs and finally got up and took a shower. I really need to wash my hat that Anne gave me, but I feel like if I wash it, I will be washing some of her away. I like wearing it because it makes me feel closer to her. I fixed myself a chocolate banana milkshake for breakfast and a cheese omlett for lunch. My mom and I have been swapping music, and I wired up her stereo so that we could play music from the computer. We went grocery shopping and also rented a couple of movies. Ice age and Ice age 2. We will watch them tonight with my dad and my cousin, Stanley. That will be so much fun, I know we are going to laugh till our sides hurt. I will probably hyperventilate like usual. I am going to do some mechanic work for Stanley this week and change out his truck’s plugs and wires and maybe the rear axle seal. That will be nice to make a few extra bucks and it will give me something to do. Dang, I miss Anne. We had a really good conversation last night on the phone. That girl makes me happy. She is so true. I hadn’t said anything about wanting us to be forever because I didn’t want to freak her out. She said it wouldn’t because she wanted the same thing. So I said it. I said, “Someday, we are going to be together.” It felt so good to say that. I want that truly and deeply more than I have ever wanted anything, and I know it is going to happen some day, hopefully soon. She is who I want. My heart is for her. My mom doesn’t know how serious we are, and I hope it doesn’t freak her out when we talk, which apparently won’t be today. I haven’t met anybody so right for me and who thinks of me the same. She told me last night that she was going to rake leaves. I told her to go and “rake a leaf”. That is our new good luck wish that replaces “break a leg”. I like how we have all these phrases that mean something special to us and others don’t know what we are talking about. I feel close to Anne. Even though she is so far away, I am glad for this element of technology called the telephone. She wrote something on her blog today:

“Don’t you know I belong to you? You can do with that what you will. Truly. I know I am for you, and I’ll remain that way no matter what you do. I hold your heart like a secret, warm underneath my coat & next to my skin. God gave me to you, and I am wholly happy to be given and accepted. “

I like that. That makes me feel secure in our relationship. Why can’t I call her my girlfriend yet? Why can’t we say that we’re together. Our hearts already belong to each other, so what is the holdup? I am glad we are waiting because it will mean more to me when we are finally together. This reminds me so much of waiting from January all year long when I was a little kid for Christmas because I knew something good was coming. Here it is again. I know something good is coming and I can hardly wait. When we are together, it will be so good! To grow old together, to share everything forever. Yes. Big sigh. Someday, for sure. For now I wait on her and God and 5 fingernails.

I miss my pickup a lot too. We have snow, and it’s beautiful. All our cats are running around outside enjoying the weather. Our English mastiff is sitting on the sidewalk just being lazy. It is a good day. A good day to be lazy and do nothing. It is kind of like I don’t know what to do with myself. Anne is gone, so I can’t spend time with her. I have no homework to do. What do I do with myself? I have been unproductive today. I’m not sure if I should feel good about that or not. Haha. I want and need to talk to my mom about stuff and get her up to speed on Anne and Lauren. That will take a while. OH! I get to see my grandpa on Thursday! Yay!

I really want/need to write some poetry. Unfortunately, I need quiet time to myself to do such. It has been busy here. I listened to Evanescence yesterday for several hours, and I was trying to figure out why it was that I didn’t crave that music like I used to. The lyrics are or were like 40% of it and the vocals were like 30% and the rest of what I liked was the music. I know what it is. The lyrics are now meaningless to me. In all of the songs, the singer is alone in pain that has no resolution. I felt that way for a long time, but now, as of this past semester, I don’t feel that way any longer. God has been using Anne to heal and heal and heal. She is so good for me. And when I listened to Evanescence lyrics yesterday, I didn’t feel a thing. Formerly, the words would pull at my heart and bring a lump to my throat as I identified with them in a way. Now it seems like they don’t even apply to me. I feel encouraged and like I have hope. God is great and His blessings are great.

I had a dream last night. It was very short. It was of Anne and I in about 30 years. We were sitting at a concrete picnic table in our garden and having a picnic for brunch. Our kids were grown and in college, and we were just savoring our time together. It was a very short dream that only spanned a time of about 30 seconds. It started with us walking out the back door of our house carrying a tray of food and drinks. It was very warm outside, but not humid. We walked down the trail through all the vegetation with Anne leading the way being careful not to step on the plants. She had just sat down at the table and I was arranging the plates in anticipation of a fun conversation when the dream ended. I remember that I had a daisy in my back pocket that I was going to toss at her in the place of a straw wrapper.
I wonder what that dream means. I will have to tell Anne about it and see what she thinks when I talk to her tonight. I’ll probably call her about 10 tonight.

I messed around on the piano today too. I will be able to play it well someday. I think about a brook bubbling over rocks and that’s the way I want my fingers to be able to float over the keys.

Aww… Dang. I miss Anne. I am glad I can talk to her, because this break would be very lonely without that. She makes me smile.

#1 Break has hit full stride and I am truly lazy
#2 I got to talk to Anne last night
#3 Bannana milkshakes
#4 music
#5 snow
#6 simplicity
#7 an amazing future
#8 specially marked tree verses

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