A sapling

So, I just figured something out. This semester is not going to be as easy as I thought. I really got caught off guard last night. Any time a person lets down their defenses, they will be attacked by him. Satan knows where my greatest weakness and my greatest vulnerability is. It’s in losing people close to me. When Anne said last night that she didn’t feel like she belonged any more, I saw my most feared monster rising up in front of me. Had I been ready, I wouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I feel like I failed You, God, and pitted my own lack of faith against my own wants and desires. I am so weak when compared to You. I trust You, I really do, and I’m so sorry for getting caught up in the moment of the situation and losing it like I did. You have called me to be a stable tree with deep roots so others can take refuge. I see how far from that I still am, but I thank you for bringing me as far as You have. Thank You for the slap in the face to let me know that I need to keep striving to grow. It hurt a lot, but I really needed it. I know Satan wants to see me fall and to say, “I told you so.” Thank You for defending me and for only letting me fall so far before You catch me. I love You, and I don’t want any of the gifts or blessings You’ve given me to distract me from my first Love. Please help me be strong and to fight for what is right. Please help me to be for Anne what she needs. Please help me to love her the way she needs to be loved. Please help me to keep my head on straight and grow strong and true like You intended me to be. I don’t want my self to get in the way. Because You are what it’s about. Help me to remember that.

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2 Responses to A sapling

  1. Ben…In what way did you lose it last night?  You came to me and dealt with things in the most perfect way…I don’t know how else it would have been resolved except in the exact way you resolved it.  I mean, only you know what takes place in the reaches of your heart…but there wasn’t a moment where I thought “wow…he’s really not in control right now…” So what was going through your head, dearest?  I love you.  Three days.

  2. My faith in God are the roots of my tree. When I trust God, I see hope in every situation. That is where much of my peace comes from. I have faith that He will make it all turn out good in the end. That is always there in the back of my mind, but last night, it wasn’t there for a couple of minutes. All I was thinking during those moments was that there was no way things could turn out good if you left. That was wrong of me. That was me not taking into account His abilities to work through every situation. All I was thinking about was “MY” logic and what “I” wanted to do to make things better. “I” desired to fix it “MY” way because that was all I could see. I was not consciously trusting that He was in control.So I didn’t lose it as in lose control. I more lost it as in couldn’t find my faith for a couple of minutes.And there’s just another testament to His ability to work through anything because He still resolved it. Because He is just that GOOD and LOVING.I love you back dear. Only three days. 🙂

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