Ok, I am going to be honest. I hate not getting to spend my time in communion with you. You sent me an email last night saying that much for yourself. I don’t just want it, I need it and crave it. Like every day. Not every other day and not every 2 or 3 days. Yeah, I got to be close to you in physical proximity today, but I don’t feel like our hearts got to connect. I love spending one on one time with you where we can just be open and vulnerable with each other. I can spill my feelings and you can spill yours, and our hearts can be connected. Inside right now, my heart feels like it has all this pent up emotion of every kind that it wants to let out and wants to share with yours. Saturday honestly seems like an eternity from now. Sunday, we got to talk and cuddle and spend time together, and it was right and wonderful. Monday, we poured our hearts out to each other over the table in the booth and it was so refreshing and our hearts embraced, and there was peace. It was so good to be intimate with each other. But yesterday was hard and today as well though not as much because we actually got to see each other for more than 45 seconds. I’ve been getting my time with God, but what about OUR time with Him? I’m not addicted to you, and I’m not dependent on you for happiness. But my heart has so grown to yours that going for days without making that connection is no fun. That longing is good and right, though, because God formed our hearts for each other and meant for them to connect on a daily basis. Someday, they will be able to.
Seriously, I am so looking forward to us getting married, for a multitude of reasons, but partially because then we can pray together and talk together and hold each other whenever we want without having to hope that our “paths cross” because we will both be on the same path holding hands as we walk through life. We were meant for unity.
I worked out for an hour and a half yesterday and two hours today. I have been struggling so so much with lust these past 2 days. I don’t know where this is coming from or why. But I freaking hate it and I want to hit something but at the same time I feel like giving up and giving in. And I know that’s not right, and I know that’s not a good attitude to have. Please pray for me as I pray for you.
I love you, dear, and I want you to know that.