So, I officially can’t sleep. I’ve just been thinking about some things, and maybe if I write them down, my mind will be able to relax.
It just struck me a bit ago that Rose might like me. As I was talking to LG this evening, I said something about her talking a lot to guys she likes, and I realized that in the past week, she has started talking a lot to me. I hope that’s not the case, but if it is, I’m not sure how well I like that. How do I discourage that without being rude? If this had happened 2 years ago, I would have been fine with that, but it didn’t for a reason. I’m glad God had different plans and that we were both open to them, because where He has me now is where I want to be.
Then I was thinking about Haman and Mordecai in the book of Esther. That is what I have been reading out of lately. When I think of Haman, I think of how much of a jerk he is. When he was groveling to Esther while she reclined on the couch and the king came back inside from his walk in the garden, he thought Haman was molesting her. Then a Eunuch suggests that he be hung from his own gallows. Haman was not molesting the Queen, and I wonder what his punishment would have been had the king not thought that. I wonder if it would have been as severe.
I’ve been thinking about Allen and Beth. That really bothers me. I love Allen to death, but I feel like Beth deserves somebody more mature than him. They do this Bible study together like every day, and I wonder how they could be in the Word that often and pray together that often and spend that much time in communion with each other and God and still Allen does things like he did the other night. I used to wish he would date my sister, but now, I’m really thankful that he is not. If he treated her the way he treats Beth, there would be serious issues because Michelle is not as mature as Beth, and I know she couldn’t handle it. My heart is too soft.
Anne sent me an email not too long ago saying that she thought that both of us were maybe falling apart in some way. I don’t feel like I’m falling apart. I feel pretty much normal. Yeah, I’m struggling with lust a lot, but so far, I’m winning. But then again, she said that when I want to wear black, that is because something is bothering me. That was the case last year, but last year, something WAS bothering me a lot. Fortunately, God used her to help heal that and now there is a sixth fingernail. That is never going to be a problem again, and I am grateful for that. I just want to wear black. I don’t know why, nothing is bothering me that much that I can think of, and last year, I always knew exactly why I was wearing it because I had a good reason to because something was bothering me. It is because I haven’t worn it for a while that I want to.
And then, too, I was thinking about Anne and I not going to really see each other till Saturday. God has us apart at the moment for a reason, and it is not going to be the last time. Every time He has us apart like this, it is for growth to take place, and it always does. It’s always good, too.
I was reading the other day, in the bible, and it said that in our weakness, He is showed strong and in our foolishness, He is shown wise. I think that is amazing that God can use our downfallings in life to glorify Himself. He is amazing in so many ways, and thoughts of Him make me strong. I looked up on the internet this evening about fighting against lust. All of the sites were Christian. There was some really good stuff and some really encouraging stuff on there. I feel strong and encouraged and once again ready to fight. I feel like a soldier who has just had a pep rally. Haha
It’s good. Just when we think we’re about to fall, God has a way of only letting us fall so far before He catches us. Because He loves us that much. My God is the best Friend I could ask for. He has blessed me beyond belief. I get to spend eternity with Him. I have a guaranteed happy ending. That makes me smile.
God is too good to me because He loves me. And I can’t help but love Him back.