So, a lot has happened since I last wrote on here only a week ago. Anne and I are now officially dating. WOOHOOO! I am so excited about that.
We went out on Thursday, and I was thinking that I wouldn’t be dating her for like 6 months or a year, and I was talking on the phone to my mom on Wednesday and telling her how I was willing to wait, but that seemed like an unreal amount of time. I was just asking my mom to pray for patience, because I really hated the distance we were trying to create between ourselves. It felt like our hearts were connected and then when we parted, our blood veins were bleeding. We were both trying to make the best of it, but it wasn’t working too well. Just another example of why Christmas was so hard. We were not meant to be apart for long periods of time. I had made her a house with a swing in the middle before work just like she had said she wanted when I jokingly asked her if she would marry me in class. I don’t know exactly why I chose to make that in particular, it just seemed right. When she came to get in my truck, it was raining and pretty cold. I had been wearing my suit to celebrate the 2 year anniversary of breaking up with Lauren on February 4, 2008. I had the little metal house in my pocket. When she got in my truck, she definitely had something bothering her. I had been wondering when to give her the house, and decided to give it to her then to hopefully boost her spirits. She was really confused and didn’t even smile when I gave it to her, which was much different than all the other times I had given her stuff. But I was determined to make it a fun night. I remember her sitting all the way over on the other side of the cab and thinking that it was going to be a really long time before she sat in the middle again. That made my heart twinge a little, but I fired up my truck, and we took off to the Jalapeno tree. She had been in a down mood all day, I could tell because the CD she made for us to listen to was not the normal lighthearted stuff she usually listens to. When something is really bothering her, she listens to Snow Patrol, which I think is her version of when I used to listen to Evanescence. We got to Jalapeno tree, went in, and sat down. My mom had said that we had been having too many heavy conversations lately, and we just needed to lay off that for a while and have fun, so I figured I would give it a try. They brought her a steak quesadilla at first, but she wanted hamburger. They brought our food and we started eating. She was bummed, but I kept joking around and shooting straw wrappers at her, and it seemed that she half way forgot about it for a while. But it kept bugging her, and I finally said, “something is bothering you. What is it?” Of course, she wouldn’t talk about it at first; it never works that way. So we went on. Pretty soon, she blurted out “[Mr. E] what are we doing?” So then we started discussing it, and I don’t even remember the conversation very well, but we wound up talking about how we should be together. Pretty soon, she was like, “I gotta go use the restroom”, and she left. I wondered if she might be freaking out a little bit, and I looked to see if she took her phone when she left. Nope, and pretty soon we came back and started talking again. As the conversation progressed, her eyes lit up more and more and a real smile took residence on her face. Pretty soon she reached across the table and took my hand. That got me a bit, too, because I thought we weren’t going to hold hands for 6 months or a year. We talked about how her first 5 fingernails were dating fingernails and the last five were engagement fingernails. I gave the waitress like a 10 dollar tip, so I didn’t feel too guilty about sitting at the table for a long time after we were finished eating. Then she was like “Well, you ready to go and make a phone call?” I wasn’t even a little nervous about talking to her parents even though I hadn’t even talked to her dad before. I didn’t even wonder if they would say no. Somehow I knew they would say yes. She went out to my truck and called them (while I went to the restroom and prayed and peed) and asked to talk with them both on speaker phone. They were busy and didn’t realize what was up, so it took a while to get both of them there. When she started talking and telling them what was up, there was a really long silence on the phone, and there was like once when her dad coughed. Finally, it was my turn to talk, and so I asked them and her mom made a joke about me having their blessing for her to graduate. Then they said yes like I knew they would. Then I handed the phone back to Anne and drew pictures in the fog on the inside of the window.
When we finally hung up, Anne was like, “well, now what?”
“I haven’t asked you yet”, was my reply, “I need to get out and you do too.”
“[Mr. E], right here in the Jalapeno Tree parking lot?”
“Yep, come over here, the pavement is drier.”
Then I got on my knee and took her right hand and said, “Millie Chapman, my Millianne, will you be my girlfriend?” She smiled and said yes and then I kissed her hand and she scooted my skullcap up my head and kissed my forehead. Then I stood up and hugged her and kissed her on the lips. That was the first time I had ever kissed a girl on the lips.
(About that, I had been thinking about kissing Anne for quite a while. I called my mom and part of our conversation was about why people should or shouldn’t kiss. Her thoughts, “upper invitation leads to lower penetration” When I told Anne that, she laughed her head off. I wanted to not kiss somebody I wasn’t going to marry. That was why I wanted to not kiss until I was married, because then I would be sure. But both of our logics were invalidated, because I know Anne is the one I am going to marry and I am not going to get her pregnant before then. So, there was no reason to not kiss her. I had made up my mind that when we started dating, I would kiss her.
I had had that exact sequence in my mind when I kissed a girl for the first time for over a decade, and it was better than I imagined.
Kissing was so different than I imagined it would be. I would not be able to kiss somebody besides her. It would be impossible to tempt me to kiss somebody else. I have looked at Anne’s lips quite a bit previous to that, and wondered what it would be like to kiss her and looking forward to that day. Then there was the one time last semester when I was caught off guard and came like 90% of the way to kissing her. When I kissed her, it was not for very long, but it was amazing. I will remember that touch and the feel of her lips on mine for the first time forever. It is permanently etched in my memory. I remember touching my tongue to her teeth and having electricity shoot down my neck and spine. )
Then we stood there hugging each other as the rain came down. We looked up for a long time and the rain was just coming down and sprinkling cold on our faces and being illuminated by the streetlight as it came past so we could see the drops about to land on our face. They felt tingly and the whole scenario seemed surreal, but at the same time like it was a good thing that was unavoidable. God was all around us, not in a fog like I often imagine Him to be, but He was in a circle about 10 feet in radius and speeding rapidly around us parallel to the ground both clockwise and counterclockwise simultaneously.
Seriously, it was better than I could have hoped it would be in a lot of ways.
#1 It was with Anne
#2 The Kiss was just like I had imagined
#3 It was after dark
#4 It was in the rain
#5 My truck was right there
Finally, we got into my truck and Anne sat in the middle seat right beside me. Yes. And we decided to go to Target. It seemed like the perfect thing to do. We had missed a few calls from her parents, so she called them back. Her dad had a check list for me. I thought at first the questions were serious. It was a joke. How much money was in my bank account? I told him. What was the highest rank in boy scouts achieved? I told him. Did I have any piercings or tattoos? I told him about the wire brush incident. Did I have a favorite mortician? I told him about the Knodel funeral home that we buy milk from. Then he asked me to define “late”. Only I thought he said “mate”. A pair of socks, checkmate, and, what’s the word, copulate? Is that right? Then they spelled the word for me and laughed and we hung up the phone. Anne and I got to target and walked around the store and I got her a pair of earings that are hearts that open up and keys. I felt really proud holding her hand as I walked through the isles. On the way back from target, we played music on Meria and both sang along, I did as much as I knew her music anyway.
Got back to campus, played a game of Gobblet. She and her roommate drew on a guy’s beard with markers, and when it was time to go, she walked me to my truck. We sat inside for a while and talked and then we kissed again. I think that making out is a better term for that time. And it was wonderful. No wonder she likes it so much. I felt so close to her. French kissing. I had always wondered what that would be like. Quite nice. And fun. And more than anything, bonding. I kept wondering if I was really dumb about what I was doing having zero experience. I was glad that I had never kissed any girl before and that Anne was the one to teach me. In that manner, I was glad that she had previous experience, or else it would have been really awkward for both of us. Then she walked back to her room a couple of hours later, and I wiped all the moisture off the inside of my windows so I could see out and I drove home and slept like a somebody who had everything finally right and in its place in their life.
That girl is so good for me. God sure knew what He was doing when He put us together. She doesn’t know how perfect she is for me.