Anne got turned on while kissing. She felt really bad about it. Now that I finally know what the deal was, I am not so worried about it. I hate that it bothers her so much and I hate that her other relationships have programmed her that that is the next logical step. She is dealing with it well, now, after me being entirely too pushy about trying to fix it and get her to talk about it. I need to learn a boundary there. Sometimes, she needs pushed to talk about stuff, and sometimes it just causes her more stress, and I need to learn to tell the difference.
In a way, though, I am glad she is that way and here’s why. She thinks and has been programmed to think about sex a lot. I don’t know how much girls think about sex, but I know how much I as a guy used to think about it, not intercourse, but sex related stuff when I was younger. I am a very physical person. I am aware of that. I have always thought that when I got married, sex would be quite an important part of my relationship with my wife. I was worried, however, about her being hyperconservative and never wanting to touch me or be close to me, especially like that. I am at peace that that will never be a problem with Anne. If she can get turned on by kissing me, then that puts me at peace for later. For now, I just have to be careful not to do anything to cause her to stumble. When the time is right, though, everything will already be in place. That is a comforting thought to me.
Anne asked me if I had any kind of sex drive. I would guess that my sex drive is much like my emotion of anger. It takes a lot to rile me up as a general rule, but I am pretty sure that if somebody messed with me or loved ones enough to get me angry, I would probably explode all over them like a crazy person. Fortunately, that threshold hasn’t been reached for the past 20 years, and I am not actually sure where it lies. I am sure it is there though. I think it is probably the same for my sex drive. Yeah, it was less than 2 weeks ago that I screwed up, but that was quite a bit different emotionally than what I would guess sex is like. I am kind of grateful that God made me difficult to rile up emotionally. Helps me to keep my head on straight and make good decisions. Anne and I are both very passionate people, though, and someday, when we are married and it is OK, there is just one more area that we are going to fit together perfectly.