Breathe deeply and process

I officially really like having a girlfriend. With Lauren, it stunk, and I envied the guys who were still single. With Anne, it is so much different. She is so good to me. I can’t imagine her not being a part of my life. She is the only one who was made to fit me.

Kissing is difficult for me, because I am very much not used to it and it still requires a lot of concentration for now. I don’t yet know when is appropriate and I still need lots of practice. Fortunately, Anne likes to kiss and so do I so I will get up to speed before too long. I love the connection. I love that she just plants them on me at random times.

Grandpa has to have surgery again. That really bothers me a lot, especially because he is dreading it so much. The poor guy has been through a lot and I hate that he has to go through more. I didn’t realize how much it was bothering me until Anne got me to talking about it yesterday. I don’t know what the appropriate reaction is at the moment, so I am going to try not to think about it. I know that won’t make it go away, but I don’t know what else to do about it at the moment. I wanna just sob and cry my eyes out, but that wouldn’t accomplish anything. I guess it might make me feel better. I don’t know. Maybe later.

So, it snowed too, and I think it is fun watching all these people who haven’t had much snow before getting to enjoy it with snowball fights, sledding, and snowman building. I think I appreciate the snow a lot more than others who also grew up around it their whole life, of course, I think I appreciate God’s nature in general more than a lot of people. I am grateful for that because it is something that is always around and always enjoyable.

As an additional note, I have had this intense hunger for old history. Like reading stories from genesis and exodus. Those are fun. And that makes me think about church. I really dislike what’s going on at church. I can’t wait for this time period to be up so I can be done there. Church is so stressful on sunday morning for a lot of reasons. Sunday morning is the most stressful part of my week and I do not look forward to it at all. It should not be that way. I want to go to church to learn about God and be able to worship Him and just relax with just me and Him. I miss that. I look forward to when Anne and I can go to church together. I like reading the bible and praying with her, but it doesn’t get to happen nearly as often as I would like. Someday, that will be different. Anne and I are great, and God and I are great, but God and Anne and I are complete. And that feeling of completeness completely puts me at peace.

Someday, someday. All these things. And look at what God has already done. How far I am and how far we are. It’s amazing. Other than the fact that I need a nap, I am in a pretty happy mood. God is good to us. 🙂

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