Two unrelated things are on my mind.
The first is the ring that Millie and I were talking about. $10,000 seems like a lot of money to spend on something that’s primary value is supposed to be symbolic. I’m not saying that she’s not worth it. She’s worth way more than that. I don’t think you can put a value on humans. I guess for me, the biggest hangup is the time. I don’t want the monetary value of the ring to have any effect whatsoever on the timing. I want us to be together when the time is right for us to be together, not when I have enough saved to afford the symbol of us being together. I guess that’s what I’m afraid of. She said this would be the one thing that she was willing to wait on for us to be together. And maybe I’m impatient. I just want to be with her. I’ve known she was the one since the beginning of November. 1 year and 8 months seems like forever. Adding to that time is not something I want to do very badly. I don’t want us to wait longer than we need to to be together. But then again, I want her to have something that means as much to her as she means to me. I wonder if I am being selfish by being impatient. If so, I need to quit. And maybe the extra time is a good thing. I don’t know how this will all work out, but I know it all will. I am completely, 110,000% ok with spending $100,000,000 on her. More than that. But I need to be ok with waiting longer.
I guess the second thing is not completely unrelated, because it also concerns time. I am thinking about the time that God has given us here. Really, that is all we have. What we spend our time on is what we spend our life on. God gave us a limited period of time in this messed up world with the instructions to love Him and love people. It is not to love ourselves, but we spend so much of our lives trying to love ourselves through so many sources. Trying to attain or feel value through loving (as an active verb) ourselves only leaves us feeling empty. Loving ourselves (as a passive verb) is good in the sense of accepting ourselves. But our time and our energy and our resources are wasted when they are used to show our love to ourselves. This isn’t a all or nothing scenario. You do have to take care of yourself. I’m thinking of facebook for an example. Maybe this is dumb. If you spend time on facebook playing Farmville, you are wasting time. If you spend time on facebook interacting with and blessing others, that is not at all time wasted. Time is our most precious resource that God has given us. We need to be good stewards in how we spend it, because God looks at that.
Also, Corey. I wonder if he still has a thing for Millie. I like the guy, but he is a bit sketchy. Making that ❤ plate in class the other day and then acting so completely weird about it when I asked him about it. As soon as I started hanging out with Millie, Corey was instantly my friend. He goes out of his way to greet me; at first I thought that was just the way he was, but he doesn’t do that to other people much. It is almost like he is trying to earn my approval. And then he hints at the way things used to be. Then there was the other day when we were in lab. He asked me if I had hung out with Millie much lately, and I told him that we were going to spend time together when I got off work at 6:00. So Corey hurries and finishes a bit early and leaves and takes Millie out for a motorcycle ride and they don’t get back until an hour and a half after I get off work. What the heck? Corey, leave my girl alone. You traded her in and you lost out. Get over it. Besides, you have Steph. Take good care of her, focus on her, and treat her like she is as valuable as she is.