right here, right now

I really like staying up late by myself. It’s not often I get to. I’ve been thinking a lot here lately about us as humans and how we react to things and how we operate and such.

Something that is always on my mind is distractions, which is kind of a distraction in its self if you think about it. We find so many ways to distract ourselves, especially from things that are important in life. Flippantly, we go through life and one day, we wake up and wonder where all the time went. I’ll tell you where it went. It was spent consuming media. I hate TV with a passion. And now they have these new Iphone things that can do all that and more. Yeah, somebody checked the weather on one for me and then I knew it was going to rain. That was useful, but I see tons of people sitting by each other messing with their stupid phones. Everybody is so individualistic. Technology makes it easy for us to be that way. Personalize everything. Entertain yourself. My neighbor girl spends over a hundred dollars a month so that she can have a phone that can do all this stuff. She works for 8 bucks an hour and that’s not counting taxes. So she spends a significant amount of time every month earning money so that she can spend a significant amount of time on her phone. My cousin has pornography on his phone. I wouldn’t even have a phone if people didn’t need to get a hold of me.

Vehicles. They allow us to move extraordinary distances away from the ones we love. We spend our lives paying for them and their insurance and their maintenance. Our identity is in our cars. As much as I say I love Meria, I would sell her in a heartbeat if that’s what God wanted me to do or if she started being a distraction on the things truly important in life. The same goes for any of my possessions.

We invest in so much of the wrong things in life. Seriously, the only things worth investing in are things that are eternal. All this other stuff is going to be gone some day and with it the time and energy we spent on it. And there are only two things that are eternal: God and people. How often do we distract ourselves by reading a book or listening to music or doing mindless things to entertain ourselves or help time to pass when we could be striving to grow our relationship with our Creator? I really feel like my money is being wasted if I spend it only on myself. Sure, I gotta eat, but I don’t gotta take me out to the ball game.

Sex. Why is it so prevalent? We have made it into something twisted and warped until it is unrecognizable from what it was created to be. Media shoves it into everything. I have a hard time with lust a lot. Sometimes not, but I still have to work hard to keep my mind pure. Girls clothes are too tight and intentional cleavage is not appropriate. When I look at a girl, I want to see another flawed human like myself who could use a friend. I don’t want to see her body. And guys are visual. I sometimes think that blind people are lucky, because they get to fall in love with someone solely for their personality and who they are. Not for how they look. People’s looks will change. I’m gonna be bald someday and really wrinkly eventually too. But I’m still gonna be me. I told Millie that if all her hair fell out and she had only one eye and weighed 300 pounds, I would love her every bit as much. I would, no doubt. Sure, I think that she is beautiful. I thought she was super attractive before I even knew her, but getting to know her, I see her for who she is now and not for how she looks, and that is way more beautiful than her appearance ever could be. It is translucent. And, yes, I want to sleep with her, not because she is hott, even though she is. Even if she weren’t, I still would want to. I love her. Sex is supposed to be about love.

For me personally, I struggle with 2 things in life a lot. One of them is only when I am under stress, and the other one is pretty much a lot of the time. When I am stressed, I tend to get to focused on a small portion of the picture and lose sight of the big picture. I am also quite critical of myself, but I am getting much better than that.

Why do people hurt each other? Why are people so selfish? We don’t have to be. Why can’t we just be good to each other. A guy cussed my dad out for parking crooked the other day. That was unnecessary. It is a parking spot. Not worth getting that upset over. I really didn’t appreciate him talking to my dad that way. If we had seen him 5 minutes later with a flat tire, though, I know for a fact that my dad and I would have stopped to help him change it.

As a Christian, I am realizing more and more how disposable my life is. If it belongs completely to God, then He can use it however He wants. I don’t mind if I get used by Him. I don’t mind accommodating others. It’s not about me. The less it is about me, the better, because I just have a tendency to mess things up on my own. The only good in me is God in me.

The only way to have peace is to be righteous. That is what I have been called to, and even though I do an awfully sorry job at times, that is what I will strive for for the rest of life.

Some days, I just wanna move back to the garden of Eden and walk with my loves together. But as much as I fully feel my flaws, as much as I hate watching people struggle, and as much as I hate being apart from my girl right now, there is no other place I would rather be. For now, right here is where He wants me, and right here is where I am. There is no place or time I would rather be in. My God is too good.

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One Response to right here, right now

  1. I could read stuff like this for hours and never get bored.

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