Motivations of ridiculousness

So I have been thinking today quite a lot about motivations. Why we do what we do. People say that actions speak louder than words, but I think motivation speaks louder than actions. God looks at the heart, I think that means that He looks at our motivations. The actions are what people see. The heart or motivations are the driving force.

I think about a lot of the way that I am and the reasons I do things. Like the compassion child. I never had much of a desire to support one until I went without eating for a week. I think it’s stupid that people spend 3000 dollars to get surgery done on a family pet when there are people literally starving to death in the world and that amount of money could feed several people in a foreign country well for a lifetime.

I watch as people exchange money for services and such in this country. It is a game. Who can make the most so they can spend the most. And it is doing no good. There is nothing left after it is over. Wasteful. The only things worth investing in a eternal things, aka, God and people. I try to use money in a way that leaves me with no regrets. Sometimes, I’m good at it and sometimes not. I don’t spend much on myself at all, so that’s good, but sometimes, I wonder how good of a steward I am being.

I wouldn’t ever feel poor as long as I had good food and a place to sleep.

And I’ve been thinking about loving people too. If you “love” somebody because you are supposed to love them, is it really love. It breaks my heart when I see people treat each other poorly. Seriously, why can’t people just be good to each other. And even when they are “good” to each other, it is often because they don’t want to face the consequences of the alternative or because maybe if they are “good” to somebody, that person will be “good” back. Stop overanalyzing everything and just do it because it is the right thing to do. Just do it because they are people just like you and they appreciate it when people treat them decently as much as you appreciate it when people treat you decently. Just do it because you can’t help it.

I am thinking about how much God loves me and how much He puts up with me. I am far from perfect. I think, though, that that is part of the reason it is easy for me to love others. Number one, it really is Him, and not me, and number two, I realize how much and how deeply I am loved and that is too much for me to keep all for myself. I would have to say that my God is pretty much amazing. Even if I had a thesaurus, new words would have to be invented to express the way I feel towards Him. Even that sentence needs help, because feelings change, and the way I “feel” towards Him will never change. I am Loved, I always know it, and I accept it even though I don’t deserve any of it because that is God’s gift to me. It would be an offense against my Creator to not accept that which He intended for me to have.

Millie, I love you so much. When you messed up the other day, it tore my heart up quite a bit, because I have been there and I know how you felt. I hate it when you are hurting. Thank you for always being open with me about everything. I will never quit loving you, no matter what. That is a promise.

Seriously, though, if I saw somebody messing with you and like physically hurting you or something, I would not hesitate to rip them in half. That merely results of my love for you. My puny human love compared to Gods LOVE. I can’t image how bad it will be for Satan in the end when God finally exacts vengeance for every child of His he hurt or caused to stumble and for every time. That literally makes chills go up my spine.

Sometimes I think it’s ridiculous how freaking powerful our God is and how infinitesimally small, weak, and stupid we are and how we still try to make this life about us. Ridiculous.

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