Man, I am ridiculous. I can not believe how much I miss you. You gave me a really weird hug when you left this morning. Maybe because my shirt was wet? This past month of getting to be around you every day has been so good. I love you. I kept trying not to think about you all day today. Is something wrong with me? I keep tearing up, and you have been gone what, 15 hours? I wonder if you miss me as much. I hope you are having such a good time with friends that you haven’t seen all summer and making new ones that you don’t. I don’t know if I am going to make it eight and a half months. I honestly don’t. It seems like an unreal amount of time. It seems like a fantastic dream that you want so bad to come true, but still you know it was only a dream. Summer seemed to pass by so slowly while we were apart, and so quickly while we were together. And now, even though you are just 10 miles away, it feels like you are all the way back in North Carolina and me in Colorado. I wish you would call me back. I just want to hear your voice. Something quite significant is missing out of my life, and it is you.
I have a ring bought for you and I am going to pick it up from the mail center tomorrow. I want so badly to just skip the ceremony part and have you walk down there with me and put it on your finger as soon as they hand me the package and I open the box. I seriously wish I had brought it to NC with me, because you would have been wearing it for a week by now. But I want you to have a good story to tell your friends too. Maybe that is a good story.
I feel like I am frantically trying to fill a void that I know will be there until I get used to seeing you for only short periods of time here or there in the week. I need to fill it with good and productive things.
I need to focus on growing my relationship with God. I need to focus on not slipping up, because I know I am vulnerable right now. Summer has been strange, because it seems as if He and I just mutually took each other for granted, in a good way. I know He didn’t though. As much as He paid for me, He would never take me for granted. I long to be closer to Him. It’s kind of funny. If I go too long without being with Him, I feel the same way I feel right now about you. I never feel it to this intensity, though, because I can just talk with Him and be with Him whenever I want, so I do and things are better. He is part of me that can’t leave, and you are part of me that must leave on occasion. I love you both, and I miss you both. And now I am going to spend time with one of you.