I don’t understand. Why is it like this? Why does she always want things to be right? Why doesn’t she just let me leave things that are not ok in their state of disrepair instead of always wanting to help me make them OK? I am used to getting yelled at. I am used to being run over. Why does she always have to put me equal with her? Why does she try to understand where I am coming from? I am used to not doing things the way I would prefer. Why does she want to compromise and make us both happy? Why does she always call me later to work through things? Why does she feel bad and apologize for what she has done wrong? Why does she try to be patient with me and work with me when I don’t get it? Why does this feel right in a completely different and much deeper way than I ever expected right to feel?
When you strip away all the surface, everything says that you love me. Sometimes, I forget. That’s when I am harshly reminded by the reality of it all. It sucks and it hurts, and I need to be a little kid about it because there is too much of it for me to process all at the same time. I don’t understand how your love for me equals mine for you, but it does. Sometimes, I don’t know how to react to you loving me like that, and I feel guilty because you do even though I shouldn’t.
I can’t believe that I am going to marry you and that problems are going to get fixed instead or ignored or stuffed inside of me to rot and make me sick. I kind of feel like today we uncovered a root cellar that Jessie stuffed with toxic waste. I am not looking forward to cleaning it out. I am looking forward to it being cleaned out, though.
I was made to be with you. I love you. I am glad God put us together. How is this so good, yet hurt so much at the same time? I couldn’t ask for anything better. I wouldn’t want anything else. I love you, Millie.